When Your Kids Move Past You…Hold on! Where are you going?

Are you growing into a new version of you? Do you hold yourself back?

How do you grow past the current version of yourself? Are you even supposed to? Maybe what we coin growth really isn’t. Maybe we don’t grow into new versions, just find the parts that are already there waiting to be found. Fostered and created by your experiences as a child, by those who shaped your world. Could those parts have limitations just like everything else? I’ve been thinking a lot about this lately. Particularly in relation to that moment you realize your kids are growing past you.

Now I don’t mean this in a negative sense. Growing is what your children are meant to do- to evolve a step further. To learn from your lessons and the lessons that you brought with you from your parents (or parent type figures). I know this. I accept this.

But have you experienced that moment of knowing it’s happening? Right here, right now? More importantly how did you FEEL when you recognized it?

It’s likely there was pride. I’m guessing you might have even patted yourself on the back for giving them the tools necessary to create this life for themselves! But if we are honest (which I hope we can be with each other), didn’t you also feel just a little bit jealous? (It’s ok, I won’t judge).

I’ve had those moments. I won’t lie. When my child quit the full-time job to courageously string together a couple part time ones so they could live more bohemian and free with an intent of “living closer to the way their soul was beckoning them”, hell yes I was jealous!

But I wasn’t jealous of the steps being taken. That is the important insight here. I’m not jealous of my child’s growth. I’m jealous that they have the courage to do something I haven’t allowed myself to do. How is it possible I provided an environment that allowed them to grow with such confidence, yet I am unable to do the same for myself!?

Ah! There it is! We call it growth or growing. What we really are talking about is developing a stronger quality in our character. Now we were able to aid in fostering that character in our children, so we obviously have the tools. Then what is it that we lack that holds us back?

I tend to think it ties back to our sense of self worth. As a mom, I will defend my child’s right to develop as much inner power and strength as possible. Yet there is a lack of belief that I deserve to hold that same inner wisdom.

As a mom, I know my children have faults, but I can see how they balance out, and that the good far outweighs the negatives. When we look inward, however, we give less weight to the positives and more to the negatives- creating that sense of being undeserving. Our minds are so twisted.

Have I mentioned how utterly life altering the experience of being a parent is?!

It is the wildest ride I have ever taken looking inward. And it happens the most when they are entering a new phase. Each phase they enter challenges a perception or preconceived notion I have about myself and the ways I limit my own potential. *I sit here wondering if this is how my own parents feel?* Are our children the driving force behind those so-called midlife crisis moments? Are those the periods where our self perception is the most vulnerable because we see in our offspring something we don’t see in ourselves? And then we haphazardly try to grab hold of it and force it’s creation?

I mean, I can’t think of one non-parent friend I have that has gone through a midlife crisis. Seriously! Only my friends who have children. That is so very odd. Maybe I’ve stumbled onto something, or maybe the ocean air is affecting me.

Either way, it’s an interesting thought to ponder. Though I encourage you to do so with grace and compassion (and maybe even a glass of your favorite adult beverage!).

Arise WILD!

~Wild Serenity