I Am … Rosemary’s Grandaughter. Wait…that’s it?!
What role do you play in your life? Can you shift gears and adjust to be who you were meant to be? Rather than only who you were assigned to be by your family?
Who are you within your family? Are you the storyteller. The chronic complainer. Or maybe the glue that holds it all together. Nothing wrong with whatever role you fill within your family structure. We each have one though. For me, my whole life I was introduced as Rosemary’s grandaughter. Whether I was meeting a distant Great Aunt or a soon to be new in-law. That was my identifier, my tie to the family, my place in the world. How one knew in what way I fit into the puzzle. How I knew my place. (not the healthiest… I know)
It’s silly, really, but at times that phrase drove me absolutely crazy! I am, and have been, so much more than a grandaughter. Yet recently, it occurred to me that I probably won’t ever hear the phrase again in my lifetime. And honestly, I haven’t for quite awhile. I just hadn’t realized it. Nowadays the silence of it can be overwhelming. Like a deafening void that you just want to put something in. But I’m trying … to survive …to move through the grief …and grow. So I sit in the void, from time to time, intentionally not filling it. Honestly, not having a clue what to fill it with!
That got me thinking, though, about all the different roles we play within our families. Some of those roles we might not even notice as they fit us so well. Others we may have outgrown years ago, yet it is still our badge to wear. Why is that? Why do those roles never really grow as we do within the family? None of us are who we were at 16 (hopefully, unless you were already amazing that early!) So why is it then that within the safety of our families, it is often the hardest or last place for us to execute change?
I sometimes wonder if it’s a variation of a safety net. Even if the role no longer fits (or is one you no longer want)- it is still a known place. And the known can be comforting, even once you’ve outgrown it. That’s why you are instantly at ease when you walk into “mom’s” house, it’s known. And in a world with so many unknowns we all crave that familiarity. That comfort.
Who doesn’t want to be able to go on autopilot once in a while? I know I need it sometimes when my mind is just jumping from one rabbit hole to another. (of course, that is also where these blogs come in, they help me settle. And hopefully help you know you are not alone in your rabbit holes)
I also wonder if your role shifts as the generations do? With each passing we move closer to the matriarch/patriarch position. Does that come with the power to redefine your role? Will you want to? My dad is currently in that position. The oldest on his side of the family. Yet when I watch him, I don’t feel a difference there. It’s more that the position of patriarch migrated to fit with the role he already had within the family.
If that makes any sense. This is a hard one to put to paper, it has so many edges and tunnels within it. Yet, it seems like a big one we must move through.
What it comes down to is this: Am I happy with my current role within the family? Do I even have one at this moment? The generations that used the phrase ‘Rosemary’s grandaughter’ are sadly coming to an end. How will I be remembered by those generations that follow my children? AND … Is that something that is even within my purview?
Probably not, as the best ‘roles’ are the ones we obtain passively through our actions, through the way we live our lives, and through the compassion that we give to others. That creates a ‘role’ of its own. It blossoms of its own accord. It is one that I hope those closest to me feel long after I’m gone. No matter the title it has.
Arise WILD!
~Wild Serenity
